My worst fear

I've had this fear since I started to really like boys. I've always been a hopeless romantic and so it fits that this would be my worst fear. This has been part of a reoccurring dream since I was 12. Nothing worse than a forbidden love.

Even though we can hold each other through the night, we will never become one.

Here is a song you should listen to while reading to give you a better idea what I mean. The video fits very well too!

My reoccurring dream was falling in love with someone I should never love. Someone dark, evil. The son of satan, here to bring the world down. To kill everyone I hold dear, to bring earth's destruction. While my mission is to save the world, to have good defeat evil. (i know this is a cheesy dream, but I did start having this at a young age and still do to this very day)

But loved happened in the dream. Everything told us to never feel that way, forbidden by God. To love someone I can never be with. Even with our love, we couldn't escape our fate. In the dream, I had to kill him to save the world...

You think that would be it, right? The dream continued. For loving him at all, I was punished. I had to never die, continue to walk the earth alone. To never have that sweet embrace again.

This fear... is very real. To love someone married, to never be able to express those tender feelings. Loving someone dead, only to never have that same connection again. Some say, it's better to love and lost than never have loved before. I don't think that way though. Because you know what was lost and can never get back.


This sometimes prevents me from connecting with people now. So that I won't have to feel that way. Other times, I feel as if this fear is already happening. I've loved in my past and like most, it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm preventing myself to feel that way again. Guess sometimes you can be too romantic.

I want to over come this fear, so I can love once again.